How To Get Over A Devastating Loss In Sport

From 2000 to 2004 my team had to play the same powerhouse team in the finals.

And every year, we LOST.

In 2005, we entered the finals optimistically: “It’s going to be
our year!” we proclaimed.

But our hopes were dashed AGAIN when we lost two games straight.

It was enough to kill our sports motivation completely.

There was, however, an important wrinkle to this competition: if we won our next game–against a different team–we could still earn a birth into the National Championships.

We had exactly 45 minutes to re-group.

At this moment that my body took over and instinctively prepared me for this next game.

Upon entering our dressing room, all the wretched disappointment
inside me over losing for four years came bursting forth.

I sobbed bitterly, and couldn’t stop.

Images of old losses flashed before my eyes, and I sobbed some
more. At one point, I went to the bathroom and put my head under
the dryer so my teammates didn’t have to listen to me.

Three minutes before our next game, our goaltender (who knows me really well), calmly handed me my helmet.

She looked me squarely in the eye. “You have three minutes,” she
said.

I put my helmet on. Suddenly, I was filled with energy. My mental
strength was BACK.

We won, and to this day, my team insists it was one of the best
games of my career.

How To Heal Yourself From A Devastating Loss In Sport

Healing yourself means letting yourself experience your
disappointment when you lose.

It’s the same thing you did when you were 9 years old.

Your body knows how to heal itself. You just need to let it.

It’s one of those sports psychology secrets nobody tells you.

Instead, your Dad, your coach, and your teammates will try to cheer
you up.

They’ll say things like, “Don’t worry, it wasn’t your fault.”

Or they’ll try to get you to focus on the next competition right
away.

The problem with this approach to sport psychology is that you stuff down your
disappointment.

You try not to think about it.

But it eats away at you.

You start to doubt yourself, and you lose your motivation.

“Why bother?” you think to yourself.

Of course you should draw the lesson out of the loss.

But you can’t even think about that until you’re over the
disappointment.

Oh, and another thing: if you stuff down your disappointment too
many times, you’ll end up choking.

Your body will CREATE a loss just so you can cry a little.

If you’re too cool for school, and think you’re above feeling
disappointed, I beg you to consider you may be wrong.

Losing hurts.

So do yourself a favour and let yourself heal.

You don’t need to do it in public the way I did.

In fact, it’s better if you do it alone.

Then you’ll feel more free.

Once you’re done that, figure out what you did wrong out
there…and do a better job.

And if you more mental toughness and to start winning in sport, go here for sports psychology and mental toughness tips.

Light it up out there,
Lisa B.

Winning Golf: Steel Yourself To Be A Tough Competitor

Another way golfers kill their mental toughness is they try to have positive expectations all the time.

So they go into a round expecting it to unfold well.

This is a BIG mistake.

Huge.

It’s one of those golf tips no one ever tells you. TOUGH competitors expect to win, but they also expect major bumps along the way.

That’s because sport is a war, complete with an enemy: your opponent.

Wayne Gretzky, one of the greatest hockey players ever, understood that sport is a war.

After Wayne was traded from Edmonton to Los Angeles, he had to go back and play against his old friends. He recalls:

‘Sooner or later I had to go to the one place I dreaded. Glen Sather didn’t say a word to me because I was on the other team now….I thought Mess [Edmonton centre Mark Messier] would check me, but I was wrong. He steamrolled me, backed up and steamrolled me again. Mark is a competitor and this was a game he wanted to win.’

Even golf, which promotes sportsmanship with your opponent, you are in a war…a war of control.

You are trying to control something that can’t be controlled: a ball.

You can be an extremely TOUGH competitor by STEELING yourself for the worst on the path to winning.

In the Tournament Players Golf Championship several years ago, Tom Kite and Chip Beck were the final twosome. Chip started out horribly, making four bogeys on the front side shooting 40.

But then Tom did something interesting.

He EXPECTED Chip to improve. He assumed Chip would be as hot on the back side as he had been cold on the front.

Chip did get hot, shooting 31.

Tom stuck to his mental game plan.

At the final hole, Tom teed off with a two-stroke lead.

Chip had a tricky, downhill putt of 25 feet.

Tom immediately assumed Chip would make that putt.

Sure enough, Chip did.

If Chip’s putt had surprised Tom, his next putt would have suddenly become much harder. But Tom was perfectly PATIENT. His emotional state did not change when Chip’s ball disappeared into the hole.

Tom holed his par putt and won the tournament.

The simple act of being patient — about circumstances, opponents, even your performance — will keep your focus on track.

And if you truly want to get your mental toughness handled, go here for sports psychology and mental toughness tips.

Light it up out there,
Lisa B.

From Self-Pity To Basketball Superstar In One DayFrom Self-Pity To Basketball Superstar In One Day

“Lisa, thanks for what the Courage to Win has done for our basketball training this year.

You’ll never guess what happened to Ashley, a fourth year player and starting shooting guard. She was having
one of those nights where nothing was working. We were playing the #7 ranked team in the country and
the game was close. The other team was keying on her and she couldn’t get a shot to drop. I ran a couple
of plays especially designed to get her an open shot and even those wouldn’t go in.

–University of Calgary Basketball Coach
Shawnee Harle

This is an incredible success story.

…both from an athlete and a coach.

What To Do When Your Mental Basketball Game Is Slumping

See, when you are slumping, there are two things going on with your mental game at the same time. First, you have learned helplessness. You’ve become passive because you tried to succeed, but an opponent overpowered or out-smarted you in some way.

Second, you’re feeling sorry for yourself. You think it’s not fair that YOU, someone so talented and special, should have to suffer the agony of personal failure or defeat.

I’m here to tell you:

Boo Hoo.

No one cares.

No one is even remotely interested in your self-pity. What they ARE interested in is what you’re made of.

Everyone fails in sport from time to time.

There is an agony to competing that will always find you, no matter how good you are.

That’s what Ashley figured out. She figured out that it was time for her to grow up and make a choice: will she be passive or aggressive?

The only way to break out of a slump is an aggressive, attacking mindset. That’s the psychology of sport that works.

As for Shawnee, the coach, she is a genius, because she laid the choice out for Ashley — in public, in front of her peers. What competitive athlete wouldn’t respond to that?

Nice work, ladies.

If you’re reading this and thinking, “I really need to get my basketball mental game handled now, you can get access now to more sports psychology and mental toughness tips.

How Most Athletes Are Crippling Their Mental Toughness

I just posted a new audio for you called, “How Most Athletes Are Crippling Their Mental Toughness – Especially If They Are Using Sports Psychology!”

This audio is straight from a special interview I did with the American Coaching Academy. I reveal:

The myths of traditional sports psychology and why some of these ideas can make you worse under pressure…

How to deal with overwhelming nerves or performance anxiety so you can re-focus and get your confidence back

How to identify your ‘demon stressor’ – the one distraction in competition that blows your mind

…and much more.

Access this mental toughness interview now.

Let me know what you think.
Your friend,
Lisa B.

Accepting Yourself Unconditionally in Sport

Most sports psychologists push positive thinking on you all the time.

They kind of imply that if you are angry or frustrated it’s because you have dysfunctional thinking.

I’ve found that the easiest, most profound way to deal with your fears and frustrations is just to accept them without resistance (instead of trying to manipulate yourself out of these feelings using positive thinking).

Most athletes are quite dismal at this.

We judge, condemn, and rebuke ourselves any time we aren’t 100% confident, positive, and happy. We tell ourselves to ‘get over it,’ not let disappoinments ‘get to us,’ and that fear or performance anxiety is a sign of weakness.

A Powerful Sport Psychology Strategy – Self-Acceptance

Tremendous relief comes from self-acceptance, because you do not having to pretend, cover up, or suppress your fears about competing.

You enjoy an inner relaxation that is heavenly.

And there is even more good news.

When you accept yourself, it’s easy to ‘drill down’ and discover WHY you are feeling anxious, stressed, or frustrated about any aspect of sport.

Such self-awareness is powerful.

It allows you to DIAGNOSE the root cause of your performance anxiety before you PRESCRIBE a solution for it. The idea ‘DIAGNOSE before you PRESCRIBE’ is as old as time itself, and central to mental toughness.

For example…

Your motivation to practice is low. You think you’re being lazy, but when you truly listen to your malaise, you correctly DIAGNOSE that you have no idea why you lost your last competition — and you can’t get all your motivation back until you do.

You’re terrified of choking under pressure. You think it’s because a big event is coming up, but when listen to your performance anxiety, you DIAGNOSE that since you’ve never competed internationally before,
you’re totally unsure about what to expect.

You get annoyed when your father is highly critical after important games. You think it’s because he’s right in his criticisms, but when you listen to your fear, you DIAGNOSE that what you really need is unconditional support — and he’s not getting the memo.

You’re doubting yourself. You think it’s because your coach is being harsh, but when you listen to your stress, you DIAGNOSE that you secretly agree with his comments and want to improve and stop making the same mistakes…but have no idea how.

The Inner Barrier to Self-Acceptance

Of course, the reason we find it so hard to accept ourselves is that sometimes, we are not the athlete we would like to be. When we dislike something, we resist it–and the fears that come with it.

Consider element of your skills, fitness, or conditioning. Is your attitude towards it one of acceptance or resistance?

You may be wondering, “What if I despise something about myself? How can I accept it? And IF I accept it, am I stuck with my bad serve, poor agility, or limited defensive instincts?

The answer is No.

I am not asking you to accept an unsatisfactory situation. I am merely asking you to accept your fears about it so you can DIAGNOSE the root cause of your fear so you can do something about it.

Most problems in sport can be solved, but you have to know what they are first.

The courage to accept your fears–and yourself–always paves the way for change and better performance.

Get access now to more sports psychology and mental toughness tips.

The Attitude Secret That Always Works in Golf

“I lost my swing.” “I got a lousy start.” “My rival trash talked me.”

These are typical reasons golfers give for their misery when the going gets tough.

The truth?

These golfers are using distractions as an excuse to wallow in fear and self-pity.

It’s the Dark Side of the Force tempting them.

Remember what Yoda said?

The Dark Side is quicker, easier, and more seductive.

I once worked with a golfer who was defending her Senior Club Championship.
To be close to her and keep her sports psychology game strong, I caddied, and the first day she shot a 72, taking a 5 stroke lead.

But the final day she came out average.

Eventually her missed shots began to irritate my golfer. Comments like, “I can’t believe that didn’t go in!”

and “I missed another one!” started to creep in. To make matters worse, her rival was having a great round, mounting a strong charge.

When she missed a putt on the 10th hole, my golfer said, “Of course that didn’t go in. That’s how it’s been

all day for me.”

I reminded her that golf is a game of patience. She replied, “That’s what you said 4 holes ago.
How long do I have to be patient?!”

What I wanted to say was, “Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Stop being negative. The Dark Side is getting

you and destroying your mental toughness.”

Of course I didn’t.

A Psychology of Golf Strategy – Use The Law of Attraction

Finally, as we were walking to the 14th hole, I said, “Do you remember your attitude when you play poker?
Every time you sit down, you expect good cards. You expect to win. Right now, you are expecting bad cards.
You are expecting NOT to win. You are expecting your putts not to drop and you are playing conservative golf.

And you are attracting what you are thinking about.

You need to use the law of attraction in your favour. Hit every shot with the expectation that it’s going to

be great. Play every shot as if you are holding aces!

My golfer didn’t answer right away.

She walked a few steps, then smiled. “You’re right. I am expecting bad cards and I am expecting things not to go my way. It’s time to turn it around.”

She made 3 birdies in a row and won the Championship by 3 strokes.

Get access to sports psychology and mental toughness tips.

Light it up out there,
Lisa B.

Michael Jordan Reveals His Basketball Mental Game Secrets

In just 90 seconds of Michael Jordan’s acceptance speech for the NBA Hall of Fame, he gives us some major pearls about his basketball mental game.

“You know, Micheal, there’s no ‘I’ in team.”

I said “Tex, there’s no ‘I’ in team, but there’s an ‘I’ in WIN.”

Of course, being a team player is important.

But equally important is summoning the mental toughness to display the will to win.

When you do, you give courage to your teammates. This is what the word ‘en-courage’ means – to give courage to.

The truth is, it takes guts to stand out from the crowd and aspire greatness. You may face judgment, envy, and even outright rejection from people who witness your greatness first hand.

But you can still give yourself permission to be great — to show the will to win, even if it makes someone around you uncomfortable.

You will never be happy dimming yourself down for others.

Michael On The Sports Psychology Skill of Motivation:

“And then you had all the media naysayers…you know, ‘scoring champion can’t win the NBA title…’; You’re not as good as Magic Johnson; You’re not as good as Larry Bird. You’re good, but you’re not as good as those guys.

I had to listen to all this. And that put so much wood on that fire… It kept me each and every day, trying to get better as a basketball player… And for someone like me, who achieved a lot…you look for any kind of messages to keep you motivated to play the game of basketball.”

This one is a biggie, because every single one of us has been put down and let down by others…and felt the shame and humiliation of that.

Michael Jordan is here to say: channel your frustration. Channel your anger. Let it drive you towards excellence, towards who you really are.

Remember, as a basketball player, you are here to display a grace, beauty, and heroism.

You’re here to inspire us all.

To watch the video clip of Michael Jordan click here.

Get access to more sports psychology and mental toughness tips.

Light it up out there,
Lisa B.

Are You Too Nice To Win At Tennis?

David, a tennis player, sent me his list of Top Ten stressors.

And #2 on his list was, “Playing an opponent I want to impress.”

Gasp.

My first thought was, “Seriously?”

I mean, sport is a war, complete with an opponent.

But then I realized…

Nice people all have one thing in common.

We want to be liked. We want approval. We want to impress fans.
We want to impress coaches and teammates.

We even want to impress opponents.

Even supremely talented athletes struggle with this. Tennis legend Monica Seles admits: ‘I was born with an unshakable people-pleasing personality, and I never loved winning at someone else’s expense…I hated seeing someone else upset at the end of a match.’*

Yes, wanting approval is natural…and there is nothing wrong with being nice.

But wanting approval never brings out your best.

When you try to impress fans, you become self-conscious and forget to focus.

When you try to be popular with teammates, you refuse to shine to avoid their jealously.

When try to impress an opponent, you get so embarrassed at every mistake that you go downhill.

A Tennis Psychology Technique For More Mental Toughness

Yet it’s actually quite easy to eliminate your need for approval.

It involves changing your thinking. It involves changing how you handle NOT getting approval. Let’s start with something simple. The next time you perform poorly, notice how stressed out you get about what people are thinking.

Then notice that underneath all this stress is your own disappointment…your own regret about how you did.

And now here’s something you need to know.

Disappointment and regret are cool.

They’re motivating. They’re going to get you where you need to go in tennis – IF you channel them properly.

Get access to more sports psychology and mental toughness tips.

Light it up other there,
Lisa B.

The True Psychology of Success in Sport

I have learned a secret…

I have learned a secret about mental toughness in sport that only 3% of athletes out there

have discovered.

Most athletes will never figure out this sport psychology secret (and kill their mental toughness in the process) because it is the opposite of what they have been taught.

Let me explain…

Because they have been told to be positive in sports psychology articles, most athletes decide they can CONTROL things they cannot.

If I ask a tennis player if he can control the accuracy of his serve, he’ll say Yes.

If I ask a hockey player if he can control picking up a pass, he’ll say Yes.

If I ask a volleyball player if she can control where she spikes the ball, she’ll say Yes.

But, let me ask you this:

If you could CONTROL these things, why would you ever make a mistake?

The truth is, you cannot control these outcomes. But if you believe you can control them,
you will PRESS.

Pressing is the opposite of trusting yourself.

When you press, you try to force an outcome.

You interfere with your technique instead of letting your body lead.

For example…

If you are a tennis player, you will try to guide and steer the ball, which messes up your strokes and erodes your game.

If you are a basketball player, you will try to do it all yourself and drive to the basket
even with 3 guys hanging off you.

If you are a baseball player, you will over-analyze your hitting technique, worrying
about your hands or your hips.

When you PRESS, you rob yourself of your innate ability to ability to relax, trust your body, and bring out your best.

A SECRET Sport Psychology Technique

Remember at the beginning when I told you that I was going to share a secret that only 3% of athletes and coaches will figure out?

Well, here it is:

Stop trying to CONTROL outcomes by pressing.

Pressing does NOT work.

Here’s what to do instead.

Decide that you can easily have the outcomes you if you stop pressing, and get yourself into the ”want not need” mindset.

You want and expect to win, but you do not need to win to like yourself.

Why Not Me?

Mark Tewksbury, one of the finest swimmers in the history of swimming, used the
Want, Not Need mindset to win an Olympic gold medal.

Mark says:

“The world had become more competitive. The medals, which used to be shared by 8
countries, were now finding their way to over 25 countries. Even Matt Biondi, the world record holder, were leaving the pool without going to the podium.

I thought, “Even silver would be good. I wasn not giving up, but there were no guarantees.”

The first thing Mark did was refuse to PRESS about winning.

He set his sights on winning and being aggressive in the pool, but he grasped that
winning was not under his control.

Before the race, he said to himself, “Someone has to win this race. Why not me?”

“Why not me?” is a beautiful thought. It is optimistic, confident, and relaxed.

There is no PRESSING in this thought.

When you stop pressing, you relax and have fun, and let your body lead.

Get access to more sports psychology and mental toughness tips.

Light it up out there,
Lisa B.